I was talking with someone who wanted to change their middle name so I compiled a list of middle names that I would love to have for the sake of saying “________ is my middle name”.

Danger
Adventure
Comedy
Rockandroll
Speed
MiddleName
Noise
Power
Awesome
Radical
Tubular
Delicious

Think about it, “isnt that dangerous?” “danger is my middle name………no srsly, it is”

What do fat people say when they are excited? is it something like “I’d jump through hoops if I could jump and if I could fit through a hoop”

Do bees actually have knees? and if so why are they so cool?

If spontaneous combustion were real, it may be kind of cool to spontaneously combust because for a brief moment before you burn to death, you will be the hottest person alive.

I think its retarded that whenever someone reads poetry they call it emo, I could tell an 18 year old girl with a “mightier than thou” musical taste that I wrote a song and show her the lyrics to “it’s ok ma’ I’m only bleeding” by bob dylan and say I wrote it, she’d call it emo.

People magazine chose drew barrymore as its most beautiful person, I WASN’T CRAZY.

There was a song about the human race being an actual race, HOW CLEVER!

I am really nice, but an asshole
I am really poor, for a rich kid
I eat solidified grease, but I’m not fat
I am a musician, but my favorite music is punk rock
I hate hate, but I hate a lot of things
I hate being social, but I love talking to people
I love to sleep, but its hard for me to do
I hate when you complain to me, but I love to complain to you.

Why cant you party without brocolli? everytime you eat that fucking brocolli you just get dumber. It makes me sick and when you snort cauliflower. I feel bad for you when you smoke baby carrots. But worst of all; everytime you put steamed vegetables in a bag and you huff that shit, you kill your brain cells. WHY CANT WE JUST HAVE A WORLD WITHOUT VEGETABLES!?